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ColdIcePak
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Name: Peter Pak
Interests: God, playing basketball, playing the guitar, bands such as: relient k, thousand foot krutch, anberlin, mewithoutyou, dead poetic, underoath, showbread, kids in the way, kutless, house of heroes, switchfoot, the afters
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  ColdIcePak24
MSN: coldicepak24@hotmail.com
Member Since:
10/22/2003
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| Just the thought of it makes me want to fall backwards and drown into a pool Of uninterrupted retreat from ever having those feelings again. I'm apprehensive that history might repeat itself. So for now, I want to refrain From giving myself Away like a fool. Time will tell When I'll be Out of this Hell-like Shell.     
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| been taking an online mood test a couple of times a week for the past two weeks.
not that i'm not aware of my own feelings, or i'm trying to resort to something pathetic such as this to gain anything from it.
i guess it was more from curiosity at first than anything, to see if it really works.
basically, this test determines how you're feeling emotionally based on color sequences that you choose.
seems a bit arbitrary, but i gave it a shot just for the heck of it.
every single time that i've taken the test, the test results would say pretty much the same thing; the bizarre thing is, i chose different sequences every time.
in one instance, i tried choosing as randomly as i could. another time i even tried to choose based on what i thought would give me a different result.
regardless, the results were the same.
now, the results don't come out as one word answers like "good", "sad", "angry", "jealous", etc. but they give almost a page long essay on what's supposedly running through your mind and stuff.
so the main point of this story isn't to claim that this online mood test is legit and that i want everybody to join me in a campaign to show this off to everyone for them to try out and whatnot.
the point is that i've been reminded of what has always been and always will be the only constant, stable thing in my life.
even though, according to the mood test, my mood hasn't really changed in the past two weeks, i know they are subject to change at any given time. i figured that moods are unpredictable and volatile. one minute i'd be laughing my head off from hearing a funny story and then the next i'd be ticked off by the drink that was accidentally spilled on my shirt. seems like it's not the mood that switches so often, but rather the person.
one day we're so determined to invest our time and energy into something, the next day we give up on it and forget all about it. people can be pretty fickle.
if life is a song, it would change from major to minor and vice versa ever so often.
nothing ever seems to remain the same...except the Giver of Life.
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." -Hebrew 13:8
"Great is Your faithfulness
Great is Your faithfulness
You never change
You never fail, O God."
-Unchanging (Chris Tomlin)
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| Matthew 6:33
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Often times, I feel like I reverse the order of this verse.
I would seek all other things before I seek after God.
Seems like everytime i try to do things out of my own will, I'm bound to fail or disappoint myself at some point.
It's easy for any of us to get caught up with worrying about a lot of things:
pressure from school,
finding a job,
establishing financial security,
dealing with friends/family,
finding "the significant other"
(just to name some general ones)
but the big question is, should these worries take priority and precedence over the welfare of our relationship with the Father?
we all know what the right answer is, but do we follow through?
see, we often let everything else preoccupy our minds and effort, but oh how much easier would it be when we just turn our concerns over to God.
Wouldn't the Almighty have the best in mind for each of us who believe? Not that our lives are suddenly going to get a whole lot easier when we place our trust in Him, but we have an unconditionally-loving Father that will provide guidance and strength for us to overcome things in our lives, may it be sin/temptation, discouragement, apathy, grief/sorrow, regret/guilt, shame, etc.
lately, i've been praying for various people God has placed in my life. when i feel like i can't simply sit around and just pray for them instead of taking action, He reminds me that i can try to reach out to my loved ones as much as i want, but ultimately God loves them much more than i do so He would have the best redemptive plan for them.
as much as it gives me pain to know that there's only so much i can do for them, it brings me comfort and peace to know that they're under the care of someone who loves them more deeply than i ever could.
trusting God with every aspect of our lives is liberating.
i'd so much rather seek Him first and let everything else in my life follow accordingly to His perfect will.
"Take my will and make it Thine, it shall be no longer mine"
  
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| last few entries were ranty, so this one's gonna be lax and not heavy.
already did this one, but wanted to do it again for kicks and giggles.
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
Famous Last Words
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Never Take Friendship Personal (hahahaha)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Open Skies
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Let This One Stay (hmm)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
기도 [Prayer] (haha, amen)
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
By Your Side
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Some Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape (hahaha i'll happily forgive)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Strength of the World
WHAT IS 2+2?
Lover in the Snow
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Phenomena
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Hostages (hmmmm)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Delivery
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Dope Nose (heh?)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Everything That Makes Me Sick (LOL)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Romance (ew)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Thank God I'm Not the One (heh?)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
More Than Useless (wow)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Out of Control (hmmm)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Saferwaters
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Gone (heh)
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Writing on the Walls
HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Revolutionary Love (nice)
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Seven Years (hmmm, how appropriate. that's what this song's basically about)
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Afterlife (i'll be in eternal bliss w/the One who is the source of all joy)
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Keep Fishin' (true)
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Dancing Dead (hehehehe)
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Wonderin' Why (oh geez, do i ever?)
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Deliver Me (wouldn't that been nice)
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
I Don't Trust Myself [With Loving You] (curiouser and curiouser)
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
This is Your Life (yes!)
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| ok, i mentioned in a previous entry that i "personally experienced an unbelievable miracle of God in my life" at some point in my life. so as promised, i'll be sharing that short testimony.
God answers prayers.
God disciplines those who follow Him.
God is good, no matter what.
Period.
basically back in high school i served at my youth group praise team. serving God is great, but i just lost focus and became too proud of my own accomplishments and thought that through my own efforts i can do things on my own without God's help.
James 4:6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
so i learned the hard way of what it means to be humbled. after starting off one worship service with "Pierced" by Audio Adrenaline, ironically the words "make me, take me, BREAK me..." from the song played out in my life thereafter. i got what i asked for.
within a month, my back progressively accumulated more pain as i continued to serve arrogantly. it became worse to a point where i had to wear a back brace to school, and getting in/out of my car took a lot of effort. every body position brought sharp pain to my back: standing up, lying down, sitting down. i couldn't sleep on my own bed anymore, so i moved to the floor. by this time, i should've gone to a doctor.
it's funny how the only way my body felt the least amount of pain was by prostrating myself face down on the floor. it's an understatement to say that God humbles. When He humbles, He REALLY humbles.
i took a break from serving. the pain became agonizingly unbearable in a month's time. when the pain reached its pinnacle, i only had one thing left to do. prostrating myself, i repented and prayed harder than i ever had before. don't know how much time went by, but at one point i just dozed off from exhaustion.
some hours later, i woke up and immediately the back pain started to subside and within hours i didn't feel the pain anymore. i didn't need an explanation. i knew what just happened.
it was only after a few months later that this event really sunk in, and it was only in hindsight i got a better understanding of why i went through it. until now, i would often times forget about this close encounter with God that i had, being a sinner and all. these days it's been serving as a reminder that i am nothing compared to God. i haven't had severe back pain like that ever since.
Pastor Lon Solomon from McLean Bible Church gave a great sermon recently about Humility. http://mcleanbible.org/media_player.asp?type=large&messageID=44080
this sermon pretty much sums up the message i'm trying to convey.
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